my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
