from now on my penis is your penis
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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