I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
