Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize