Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He did a backflip because drugs
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
