just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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