I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
