On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
