Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
