I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
