The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
