She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
