I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
