I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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