Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
