maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
