Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
