did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
