I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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