I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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