he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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