You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
