just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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