She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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