for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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