addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
