May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
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Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
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