Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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