have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize