Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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