Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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