I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
