I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
