mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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