sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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