Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Im part way to drunk.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
