you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
