Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
