Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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