Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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