Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
