Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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