I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
