tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
