Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
there's paper in my vomit.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
