Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
