Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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