Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That's how pantless uber rides happen
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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