We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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