toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
