Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
