Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
