i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
