dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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