I just gift wrapped bread.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
