Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
