the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
