I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
