Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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