Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize