There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
