Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
